I think….thoughts.

Things are never as they seem. People are never who they’re suppose to be. Life is always like a dream be it bad or good it always becomes reality. That’s just my thoughts of course no one else knows of these words. I think every day about so many things; life is just one of many that give my brain a tease. I wonder why I think this way. I’ve changed my thoughts but it seems as if they are the same. I remember as a child I wanted so much but never asked for a single thing. My thought just lingered and wondered around searching for a love that could never be found. I was told many times the love I wanted was from a man named God but if that’s true why can’t I feel that in my heart. It’s true I do love that man but is he the only one I’m destiny to depend. So many things contradict this world religion and science and even just plain belief are all things that are different to me. The truth is no one knows the truth. People want say it though because then it’ll hurt them to. To believe in something must be nice but just because you believe doesn’t mean its right. Ha! I talk in the weirdest ways as if I was waiting for something better to say. Well I have nothing better no better thought or judgment I only even write so that I can see it. I want to see what I am thinking then maybe I can believe it but my thoughts are so complex that life has little meaning. True desires conquer most but it never conquered me. I hate that it hasn’t because I kind of wanted it. I wanted to have someone just for me but that’s way too selfish as if I am anything. To be wanted to want to love to hate the thought that circles my mind and imitate. As small as I want it to be it gets larger, I mean my thoughts you see. They just keep growing never letting go of me. So now it’s as I’m being held against my will, can that truly be. Can something with no physical form really hold on to me or is that I thought to hard and it has already set me free. Who knows I am way to complex to think of such a thing but reading what I’ve said, I come to think: Do I even know me? I think….thought way too differently. My mind thinks about thinking thoughts before thinking them. I think what I just said was difficult for even me to understand but it’s me so why? Why can I comprehend the thought I seek to think? I’ll never know why so why do I keep seeking.