Anime Video

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Lost

My intuition lead to my minds intervention of what I should be. I used this as my co-existence seems to cease. I cry the tears of my deepest fears hoping to be herd. The shallows of my dreams appear as if to be smudged. I still do not follow fear and swallow that grudge. Life's to short to entwine with such loveless swine but pain I feel. If it were gone I'd feel alone even in this crowd. My minds not gone just on its on to a new world and time. Do get discourage that doesn't make me dumb it just leaves the emptiness to be fulled again.

Came and Gone!

My birthday finally came and is now gone. Though it's gone I want be posting for a while since I need to recuperate my brain a little. At the moment I'm going through some things I need to sort out but I'll be back writing my poems and just blogging full time in no time.

Tomorrow

1 MORE DAY!!!!!!!
Tomorrows post will be at night or sunday so I can tell you about the rest of the week and how my day went.

2 more Days

2 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!

Counting Down

Out of all the things that have happened in the last few weeks I now turn my attention to my birthday where I will now be 21. I feel so happy yet sad cause I have accomplished so much yet nothing. I love how my life is yet hate it. I still move on, though. I try to surpass my feelings about things but I can't. I have found myself crying for both good and bad. I have put myself in a world of my own. I think its nice in my world, its a place where I can be whatever I want to be. My views of things have nothing to do with anyone else but myself. I listen to no one and follow no rules. I have made my own path and I followed it wrong. Yeap I said wrong, why? Well because I didn't do anything I set out to do but I'm still happy. I guess you can say I'll always be happy even after death. Why do you ask? Its simple, cause I lived.

Overwhelmed

I slept almost all yesterday and still feel sleepy today a little but thats ok cause at least life feels a little easier. I've been happy about some things yet sad about others but as of last night I decided to become a little stronger. I realized a few days ago I haven't even been sick just stressed. Its sad I thought I was pass the whole stress thing but I guess not. I see now I get stressed about a lot of stuff in my life. It feels strange but I get depressed way to easily to so now I've decided that I want to come my life down a lot more. I don't know what has my life so wound up cause I don't really do much but I've made this decision and I'm sticking with it. I think I'm losing my hopes and desires in life and for one thing it may be good in the long run. Maybe my dreams and goals are to far fetched so I'm setting some new smaller ones for myself. I hope when I do this my life will at least become a little easier and manageable for me. If it doesn't then I will just keep trying till I get it right. With any luck maybe I'll get things in the right direction one day soon.

Youngster

Ha, in my mind I didn't think he could do it. He provided everything, especially the pleasure. Many days I waited seriously anticipating rather or not you'd bring me excitement. Until the day in February when you called me out. To be honest I was scared, on many levels, you could have imagined the thoughts that raced in my head about you. I laid across the bed wondering how life could be so great since everything was going my way. When you pushed in I thought I'd cry from all the joy that raced inside. The intense overwhelming enjoyment I had for you was crucial thats why it was hard for me to say it to you.......That even though we're not as one you're still in my heart, cause maybe one day I'll see clearly and that's when I'll know I should have kept you from the start.

None

Again there will be no post on Sundays.

Unfair

Life's unfair but I deal yet I'm on the edge of my chair wanting my life to be better. I can't have what I want I've never gotten what I want and even though I throw my life futher away it seems I'll never get what I want and its sad. No matter how much I try I'm still put down and made to be nothing. I just want one thing out of life and thats a little respect. After this day I see thats something I'll never recieve. I don't understand anything in life no more I don't get why I must suffer even more. I just want the pain to stop and so I have became numb. All I do now is cry, why? cause it sooths the hurt and yet it does nothing. My heart and soul feels dead inside but I don't know what to do, I don't know how not to cry.

All Around Me! Part2

I wish I could describe the sky, the clouds slowly passing by.

The tree trembling in the wind, but aren’t scared cause they know they can swim.
A light far away shimmers chased by a very loud sound.
It makes me sad to know that I can not fly because I would chase the sound through out the sky. Who said I was only being shy?
I just don’t want it to pass me by. Torn from my heart I desire to be by its side, that roaring sound that I couldn’t see with my own eyes.
After it was gone I looked up to see blue eyes stare at me. It looked so peaceful and full of ease but soon it turned gray and made my warmth leave.
The shadows all game to start their game. I didn’t want to play this game because even if I win losing will still be the case.
Then I realized the sky was in pain. It cause the shadows had come they were to blame.
The shadows made faces and had many complaints, cause the sky to roar and cry a fierce rain.
I could not say a word so away I went; the fierce rain just could not be tamed.

Working On.

I'm not doing a poem today just wanted to share that I'll be coming out with a song soon so keep a look out for it. I'm working really hard on it even though I'm shy when it comes to using my voice. I can't wait for people to here it and tell me what they think. Also I'm not going to be bloging every day I'm moving to every other day its easier for me till after June since that's my birthday month.

Chinese Etrology that really eplains me!

Your Chinese Sign:

The Rabbit or Cat

The RABBIT … THE VIRTUOUS RABBIT Mantra: Always prepared to help the world. The reserved Rabbit is very intelligent, intuitive and in touch with nature. Generous by definition, Rabbits can also be afraid of their own power. People trust them easily and admire them, but Rabbits themselves are cautious and discreet. Everywhere they go they create peace for others … but compromise their own inner harmony with sudden mood changes and fear. Rabbits are full of heart and love to take care of the wounded body, heart and soul -- they are gentle and kind.

Your Sun Sign:

Gemini

Sun 16° Gemini 10'

What's a sun sign?

Element: Air Key Planet: Mercury

The Twins go everywhere together, hand-in-hand, symbolizing your dual nature. Our world comes in pairs: good and evil, male and female, in and out, yin and yang -- and you Geminis are living proof. Some might say you are an entanglement of paradoxes, but the truth is that you have an easy acceptance of opposites. Your world is one of duality. You can like this and that, one thing and its opposite. It's like you see your world through a radio and you can tune experiences and points of view in and out as your interests change. Motto: "A rolling stone gathers no moss." Greatest Strength: Your curiosity about a variety of interests Possible Weakness: Distracting yourself from what is most important

Your Moon Sign:

Libra

Moon 17° Libra 32'

What's a moon sign?

The Moon in a mental air sign like Libra tends to bring objectivity to the mysterious world of emotions. This can give you a clarity about feelings that keeps you from getting swallowed up in them… but it can also make it harder to tune into your own needs. You're so conditioned to making others feel at ease that you may not deal with what's going on inside of yourself, especially if you can't put it into words. The peace and harmony that you desire is very positive as long as you're not stifling yourself to achieve it. Fairness is not just something you give to others… it's something that you need for yourself to have the kind of relationships that you want. Motto: "I'll compromise my needs to fulfill yours." Greatest Strength: Being objective about your emotions Possible Weakness: Avoiding emotional commitment

Your Rising Sign:

Gemini

Ascendant 16° Gemini 51'

What's a rising sign?

Having Gemini Rising is like owning a universal pass key that gets you in everywhere you want to go. That's because you can adapt yourself to all different kinds of people and situations. You instinctively pick up on the prevailing mood and find a way to fit in easily. You tend to be chatty, freely expressing yourself in ways that are pleasant for others to hear. You're open to sharing your thoughts without coming across as bossy or judgmental. You've got a light touch that helps you make your point in a roundabout way, rather than producing resistance by coming on too strong. And you don't appear to be demanding, but tend to have such an outgoing friendly manner that you're welcome just about everywhere. Motto: "Let's talk about it." Greatest Strength: Your ability to adapt to a variety of circumstances Possible Weakness: Providing more information than necessary

What is a "Sun Sign?"

Your Sun Sign is a key part of an astrological chart, and represents your general temperament. It is determined simply by the day and month of your birth and provides the answer to the common question "What sign are you?"

Your Sun Sign represents your basic individuality, who you are when you are alone. This is a very important piece of your astrological profile to be sure, but it is a small part -- there are hundreds of other variables to take into account. It is a mistake to think that knowing about your Sun Sign is going to deliver information about how you process things, interact with the world or deal with emotions and relationships. These and other aspects of your being are reflected by other heavenly bodies and how they all are "aspected" to each other.

Think of it this way: imagine you are looking down a long hallway and see someone at a distance. You're asked to describe the person, but all you can see is they're wearing a red sweatshirt. As you walk closer, you're able to discern that they"ve got blonde hair. Walk closer still and you can see that it's a woman. Closer still and you see freckles on her face.

Astrology operates in much the same way. Knowing the month and day of your birth is to see the most obvious element of an astrological profile -- the Sun Sign. But take a step closer, or add other information that's vital to an astrologer, such as the person's year of birth, exact time of birth and location of birth, and a story unfolds, layer by marvelous layer, detail by detail.

It's worth mentioning that daily horoscopes, the most commonly recognized form of astrology in the world, often appear to offer only a vague reflection of a person's Sun Sign. As you can see, there are many working parts to your astrological makeup, and writing any forecast without benefit of specific birth data is much like being asked to describe someone in great detail from a distance.

That being said, horoscopes can be a wonderful tool for getting the general astrological "lay of the land," and a good daily astrologer is expert at keeping us apprised of general conditions. We're extremely proud to feature professional astrologer Rick Levine and his daily horoscopes on the Tarot.com site, and we hope they'll inspire you to learn more about astrology and your own astrological makeup.

A full astrological report will not only interpret your Sun Sign, but will also tell you how it affects and is affected by your particular Rising Sign, Moon Sign and the other elements of your birth chart.

What is a "Moon Sign?"

Every 2 and 1/3 days, the Moon moves from one sign to the next, taking a total of 28 days to do a complete trip around the zodiac, stopping for a visit in one of each of the twelve signs of the zodiac before starting the same journey all over again.

If your Rising Sign represents your "external" self, it can be said that your Moon Sign represents your "inner" or "emotional" self, or the way you handle your emotions and the way you truly feel, whether you reveal it or not. To most astrologers, the moon is also about your intuition, your inner vulnerabilities, your fears as well as the things that can stir your heart. As is the case with the Ascendant, your Moon Sign may be entirely different from your Sun Sign, and reading your daily horoscope for your Moon Sign can also provide yet more insight into your personal astrological makeup.

A full astrological report will not only interpret your Moon Sign, but will also tell you how it affects and is affected by your particular Sun Sign, Rising Sign and the other elements of your birth chart.

What is a "Rising Sign?"

Your Rising Sign or "Ascendant" reflects that 1/12th slice of the sky that was ascending on the Eastern horizon the moment you were born, and is located on the cusp of the First House of your astrological chart. Knowing your birth time is a necessary piece of information to determine your Rising Sign.

Your Rising Sign is an important part of your astrological chart, because it represents the way you project yourself outward, the way you're seen and perceived by the rest of the world and the general "impression" that you make on others. It is frequently the case that a person will have a Rising Sign that is entirely different from their Sun Sign, and learning about your Rising Sign, and even reading your daily horoscope for that sign, can provide greater insight into your personal astrological makeup.

A full astrological report will not only interpret your Rising Sign, but will also tell you how it affects and is affected by your particular Sun Sign, Moon Sign, and the other elements of your birth chart.

All Around Me! Part 1

The wind blew gently without making a sound. The breeze felt warm as a summer the, though it is autumn.

The leaves are not falling and the days are not changing they are always the same.
This is what I thought on that faithful day. My eyes can not see what could not be seen. It was if I was in a dream.
Time passed me by slowly each day.
The thoughts I had of love weren't there anymore. Misguidance on my part for simply just entering your domain without knowing anything, I feel so lame.
I did it all on a whim without even knowing your name. Truthfully I could and probably should ask but would anything really change.
No! It will never last nothing will ever change. I feel so hurt, I've never felt this pain, it feels like I was slain by an unknown danger.
Slain by your hands although you never touched me it all seems so plain. It was almost as if we were playing and evil game.
I found it very fun but to lose.....I think I'm done. Its not that gave in I just want to wait till the next time I can have some more fun.
Next time I'll bring a friend to simply guide me, I get lost so easily in this game we play. It gives me a feeling that my skies have all turned gray.

Back Again

Here we are once more trying out this relationship score.
From your mouth I heard the words : I'm sorry lets start over."
Can it be that simple though, should I trust you with my heart once more.
Can I depend on you not to hurt me as you've done once before.
You seed I carried without your knowledge and lost it just the same.
You did know of all my suffering and pain. I wanted to tell you, I truly did, but I was scared of what you might say.
Not that it matter cause I still couldn't be with you anyway.
Now your back and I stand with this decision to keep you as long as I can or just leave it be.
I choose to try, to try to gain you love and if I fail I can only move on.
A friend you'll always be, though, in my heart forever more.

None

There will be no posts on Sundays.

What my mind thinks!

A time of lust has fallen before us true pain and hurt we now can see. Misfortune seems to dwell in our hearts when love is all we seek. Forsaken by those less tormented souls we walk a lonely road. They shall reach their death toll sooner then they intend. This is not what I wish upon their soul but what I think could be. For love can only behold upon the worthy. My soul you see is not worthy to speak to thee so I am just giving my statement right before I flee. Crud thus goes those who no believe in me and let thin feel my odium but who am I to say such things for I am only man. Trustful thinking in mine hurt make me wonder off. Love and vengeance that’s not quit far apart helps me keep in touch. I’ve strayed once but never again shall I leave the side I chose. What side your thinking could that be for there are many galore? Well the side I chose is the opposite of yours and no that doen’t makes me evil. Yet you should think more in mind and stay away from those demons. I’ve ran away from those demons that do hound were I can not utter. I must tell you that each time I did face it they became harder to evade. I’m thoughtless on many things but as you see I am vivid as well. I know many things you see that will one day be brought to light. I’m willing and I’m able to tell you all those things. Are you capable of hearing each form me?

Scorn and Rage!

I’m sharing love with many. This love has plenty of my soul to feed off as it grows with each whim. Each breathe I take breathes life into this diseased feeling that can neither wither nor grow for its form is not to be extended not in this world. This world is not mine for I am not an entity from it. Curses me for that may be why I do not understand the customs of heartfelt moments people do go through. I do not see why love is of need. Why hate is nothing but pure greed, which people use to feed their unworthy lives. I force all my anger for it needs to be released into the wild. A calming bird I once were, but only when I was a child. No more am I such an innocent flame but a blaze which can never be tamed. I spiral thought with head held high as if I where an angel that has fallen from the sky. I spread my joy but my mind does not understand why. I can not be seen as an out cast of undesired want but I am seen as though I am all but needed to flaunt. I seem to have no path originally picked so my own was created by my hands and yet I know I have a destiny. How can I get to it? I question my every move wanting more from this land. This world where I am stranded and have no home I do ask for its grief. My love, my hate, my fear, my hurt, my pain all fragments of my desire. What do all of it mean why am I fated not to have the answers I need? Where should I turn to for my what is needed to be free?

One Tear!

One tear falls down the check bone; one man dies which entices a cry. The number of tears is like the number of fears that one most overcome in this world of peer’s. My fear is forever even after I am reborn for this world holds a grudge against the faith of my lord and the stars above still I plea for thin to release me to uncry my tears that killed so many souls over the years and stained my heart with the blood of untainted innocents. Making my blood run cold and my heart feel froze the discomfort of the mind know that a child could be one of these souls I do speak of. With tears for the dead be shadowing my head my soul on fire with hate of innocents being flushed away by the heart of my desire for all to live and what more y should death be but to make us feel the pain of loss the suffering it costs loveless feelings of love related to death a spirit decreased by another attack and another tear falls down my cheek and one man dies again with no way to live without that one tear that is like that one fear that crawls up the wall and stays there but 1 day I'll find a way to get rid of the tears and wipe my face and have no fears.

ForSaken

Destiny untold, leave things to behold, a mind unforgiving as the love I have given, to pass through a time of love, confusion dwells from above. Watch my eyes flutter as butterfly wings appear to be, but still they do stand and listen to the winds gentle blend. I glide with the air, as it lifts my despair. Gently I float hanging on to ever quote, not rushing the words I spoke. My voice intrigued by my minds disbelief of this world’s true apprehension of its true intentions just to throw me. Why can’t you see what I see? I am not to be in this world you dream. I am but a shadow that walks and is not to be touched. You watch a cloud like you watch me never to be touched only to linger the foregrounds of your heart. My soul wonders in search for nothing but plunders that I taken on this journey of shirr destruction. My consciousness has been seared by my feelings of unknowing what life holds as I vast out towards an unforgiving dimensional warp. Resentfully not knowing what should be known in my self dream of you. Accusing what you may see as an abusive maneuver to get by.

Pain

Why am I feeling such deep pain?What do I need to do to get rid of it?
I've lived this life of misfortune. Yet I have no regrets.
I have not seen the world I wanna see. Though I shall return to view it.
With each dying wish a new life is born. This we call our dreams.
This pain I feel is not physical yet it wears my body away.Now I am left in such a tired state.
I do not cry from this pain for it brings me great joy. I got to see you and know your name so there is nothing left to ploy.
My heart is filed with so much joy but still it doesn't dismiss my pain. I feel as though all these year all I did was stand in rain.
My soul feels so overwhelmed that I can't really tell. Did you love me or was it hate that you did dwell?
How can I say just wait and see another day. My days are dead inside my head I really have no faith.
So watch me now as I suffer this pain that you caused. I am not mad though cause for a moment I felt my heart could never fall.

Feeling

I have this feeling that I am lost that I can't breathe and the word is not the same. I feel hurt and pain though i feel love all the same.
I feel so many things that contradict. My feelings are intimidated by my goodness.
I feel as though I should say yet be silent. to feel is to heal is what I thought as a motto.
I feel, I feel, I feel, and yet I am numb from feeling nothing anymore.
Nothing more but sadness in my heart of despair.
I hold a hand out to your heart for I am not that far apart from the love you hold dear in your heart.

No Post

There will be no posts on Sundays.

Confused

I felt so bad I wanted to die. I was told things that made my heart cry. The tears were falling yet my face stayed dry.

I tried to hide the pain that crowed inside. The fear that made my soul coward, I ask who can hide such harsh desires. A life of dispersal living in this world is so unfair.

Why live just to die? Why die after feeling the joy of life?

My eyes are open to all the tainted infirmaries of this world. I shall no longer walk shadows of fake love, from now on my answers come from above.

This world is destruction and makes a person feel destroyed. Why was I born here, am I that unlucky. As I beg to the person I don’t know for help but he won’t answer for to him I am but a bad seed in humanities garden of life.

Why should I even be allowed to breather? I try but fail in my every attempt to stay sane.

I throw away my happiness just to live another day.

Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I ran out and then I ran down.
I went through the forest and through the town.
I followed a bunny across a sunny field.
Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I went to Jakes house and then to Tom's.
I saw a bird and followed it home.
I hitched a ride from a passing cat, that was big and black.
Can you find me, Do you know who I am?

I fell to the ground where I could not play.
I sat in the sun till I withered away.
I'll come back on a less sunny day.
Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I don’t think……

Thought of hatred run through my mind, as I think, what type of person am I? You hurt me in so many ways; you could never imagine this pain.
Listening to people tell me this and that, I would let my ears hear the facts. Yet now I regret what I did not want to hear and hold my head down in shame, no fear.
I’m scared of the thought of what came this fear I feel is from the lies of scorn. I am always alone never with the one I truly do love.
Concealed by dreams that will never be true I desperately follow you. Walking close like a shadow of yours not knowing truly what was to come.
The pain you felt from my distantness is only because I couldn’t wish. I didn’t wish for things to be better for life to be just like my dream. I didn’t wish for happiness so I was giving the other, it was as if it was hand picked.
I took what was given and didn’t say a word, my destiny that was missing so much love. Oh there it is that word again why can’t I have it do I seem so selfish.
I did what I want I do what I want I am what I want to be, is what I told myself. I never thought that manipulation was real, it seem to be a mind thing that only the weak could feel.
Well I guess I am weak or was who knows. I only know about how I feel, wait I don’t even know about that I’m hopeless.

I think….thoughts.

Things are never as they seem. People are never who they’re suppose to be. Life is always like a dream be it bad or good it always becomes reality. That’s just my thoughts of course no one else knows of these words. I think every day about so many things; life is just one of many that give my brain a tease. I wonder why I think this way. I’ve changed my thoughts but it seems as if they are the same. I remember as a child I wanted so much but never asked for a single thing. My thought just lingered and wondered around searching for a love that could never be found. I was told many times the love I wanted was from a man named God but if that’s true why can’t I feel that in my heart. It’s true I do love that man but is he the only one I’m destiny to depend. So many things contradict this world religion and science and even just plain belief are all things that are different to me. The truth is no one knows the truth. People want say it though because then it’ll hurt them to. To believe in something must be nice but just because you believe doesn’t mean its right. Ha! I talk in the weirdest ways as if I was waiting for something better to say. Well I have nothing better no better thought or judgment I only even write so that I can see it. I want to see what I am thinking then maybe I can believe it but my thoughts are so complex that life has little meaning. True desires conquer most but it never conquered me. I hate that it hasn’t because I kind of wanted it. I wanted to have someone just for me but that’s way too selfish as if I am anything. To be wanted to want to love to hate the thought that circles my mind and imitate. As small as I want it to be it gets larger, I mean my thoughts you see. They just keep growing never letting go of me. So now it’s as I’m being held against my will, can that truly be. Can something with no physical form really hold on to me or is that I thought to hard and it has already set me free. Who knows I am way to complex to think of such a thing but reading what I’ve said, I come to think: Do I even know me? I think….thought way too differently. My mind thinks about thinking thoughts before thinking them. I think what I just said was difficult for even me to understand but it’s me so why? Why can I comprehend the thought I seek to think? I’ll never know why so why do I keep seeking.

What thought’s are thought?

It'll find what it wants is what my mind says to the heart and heart says to gut hurry finish eating you have a job and gut says to mind tell heart to do my job I'm not satisfied. It’s a circle that only soul can break but soul needs time to find the thin spot to cut in that thick line. That’s why I stay confused my thoughts do not branch from a tree but grow as a single weed. Individually they grow all over this world; to figure me out is to understand each. Although I do cry when I’m sad and I smile when I’m happy, sometimes those may not be my true feelings. I love what can not be loved I hate none for I lost that part of me. My mind wonders the world but never leaves my head. Mysteries unveiled through time and space but mostly inside of me. I find new things to talk about new mysteries to sole new loves to love. I try to understand what I have learned but at truths end I am truly dumb at heart as is all my fellow friends who feel what I feel. If there are indeed any that even think as me. I rush to tell my hearts story of love but what about my other parts shouldn't they get a chance to tell their side in this controversial world. My soul wants to speak just as my mind does and what of my proclivity does it merely just eat or has it something to say as well. A mystery to be solved one I can not; though I try till it is, but that day may never come. Finding it will be a hard thing to do. What of me shall happen to be loved but my lust for all time full of things that shall not be said?

2cd Day

lol I was suppose to start posting but I forgot to do a poem for today sorry my mind is off. Well I'll get better even though no one reads my blog I hope one day it'll be popular and if that ever happens I just want to say to my readers I'm always talking directly to you. I trust that you will respect my thoughts and words I'm saying to you just as I will respect yours.

First

I'm just posting to start off my long line of posts to come. I just want to have it known that this blog will contain poems thoughts and feelings so if you don't like it please don't complain. I will take opinions but I don't need any type of hatred towards my name. That is all.