Confused

I felt so bad I wanted to die. I was told things that made my heart cry. The tears were falling yet my face stayed dry.

I tried to hide the pain that crowed inside. The fear that made my soul coward, I ask who can hide such harsh desires. A life of dispersal living in this world is so unfair.

Why live just to die? Why die after feeling the joy of life?

My eyes are open to all the tainted infirmaries of this world. I shall no longer walk shadows of fake love, from now on my answers come from above.

This world is destruction and makes a person feel destroyed. Why was I born here, am I that unlucky. As I beg to the person I don’t know for help but he won’t answer for to him I am but a bad seed in humanities garden of life.

Why should I even be allowed to breather? I try but fail in my every attempt to stay sane.

I throw away my happiness just to live another day.

Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I ran out and then I ran down.
I went through the forest and through the town.
I followed a bunny across a sunny field.
Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I went to Jakes house and then to Tom's.
I saw a bird and followed it home.
I hitched a ride from a passing cat, that was big and black.
Can you find me, Do you know who I am?

I fell to the ground where I could not play.
I sat in the sun till I withered away.
I'll come back on a less sunny day.
Can you find me, do you know who I am?

I don’t think……

Thought of hatred run through my mind, as I think, what type of person am I? You hurt me in so many ways; you could never imagine this pain.
Listening to people tell me this and that, I would let my ears hear the facts. Yet now I regret what I did not want to hear and hold my head down in shame, no fear.
I’m scared of the thought of what came this fear I feel is from the lies of scorn. I am always alone never with the one I truly do love.
Concealed by dreams that will never be true I desperately follow you. Walking close like a shadow of yours not knowing truly what was to come.
The pain you felt from my distantness is only because I couldn’t wish. I didn’t wish for things to be better for life to be just like my dream. I didn’t wish for happiness so I was giving the other, it was as if it was hand picked.
I took what was given and didn’t say a word, my destiny that was missing so much love. Oh there it is that word again why can’t I have it do I seem so selfish.
I did what I want I do what I want I am what I want to be, is what I told myself. I never thought that manipulation was real, it seem to be a mind thing that only the weak could feel.
Well I guess I am weak or was who knows. I only know about how I feel, wait I don’t even know about that I’m hopeless.

I think….thoughts.

Things are never as they seem. People are never who they’re suppose to be. Life is always like a dream be it bad or good it always becomes reality. That’s just my thoughts of course no one else knows of these words. I think every day about so many things; life is just one of many that give my brain a tease. I wonder why I think this way. I’ve changed my thoughts but it seems as if they are the same. I remember as a child I wanted so much but never asked for a single thing. My thought just lingered and wondered around searching for a love that could never be found. I was told many times the love I wanted was from a man named God but if that’s true why can’t I feel that in my heart. It’s true I do love that man but is he the only one I’m destiny to depend. So many things contradict this world religion and science and even just plain belief are all things that are different to me. The truth is no one knows the truth. People want say it though because then it’ll hurt them to. To believe in something must be nice but just because you believe doesn’t mean its right. Ha! I talk in the weirdest ways as if I was waiting for something better to say. Well I have nothing better no better thought or judgment I only even write so that I can see it. I want to see what I am thinking then maybe I can believe it but my thoughts are so complex that life has little meaning. True desires conquer most but it never conquered me. I hate that it hasn’t because I kind of wanted it. I wanted to have someone just for me but that’s way too selfish as if I am anything. To be wanted to want to love to hate the thought that circles my mind and imitate. As small as I want it to be it gets larger, I mean my thoughts you see. They just keep growing never letting go of me. So now it’s as I’m being held against my will, can that truly be. Can something with no physical form really hold on to me or is that I thought to hard and it has already set me free. Who knows I am way to complex to think of such a thing but reading what I’ve said, I come to think: Do I even know me? I think….thought way too differently. My mind thinks about thinking thoughts before thinking them. I think what I just said was difficult for even me to understand but it’s me so why? Why can I comprehend the thought I seek to think? I’ll never know why so why do I keep seeking.

What thought’s are thought?

It'll find what it wants is what my mind says to the heart and heart says to gut hurry finish eating you have a job and gut says to mind tell heart to do my job I'm not satisfied. It’s a circle that only soul can break but soul needs time to find the thin spot to cut in that thick line. That’s why I stay confused my thoughts do not branch from a tree but grow as a single weed. Individually they grow all over this world; to figure me out is to understand each. Although I do cry when I’m sad and I smile when I’m happy, sometimes those may not be my true feelings. I love what can not be loved I hate none for I lost that part of me. My mind wonders the world but never leaves my head. Mysteries unveiled through time and space but mostly inside of me. I find new things to talk about new mysteries to sole new loves to love. I try to understand what I have learned but at truths end I am truly dumb at heart as is all my fellow friends who feel what I feel. If there are indeed any that even think as me. I rush to tell my hearts story of love but what about my other parts shouldn't they get a chance to tell their side in this controversial world. My soul wants to speak just as my mind does and what of my proclivity does it merely just eat or has it something to say as well. A mystery to be solved one I can not; though I try till it is, but that day may never come. Finding it will be a hard thing to do. What of me shall happen to be loved but my lust for all time full of things that shall not be said?

2cd Day

lol I was suppose to start posting but I forgot to do a poem for today sorry my mind is off. Well I'll get better even though no one reads my blog I hope one day it'll be popular and if that ever happens I just want to say to my readers I'm always talking directly to you. I trust that you will respect my thoughts and words I'm saying to you just as I will respect yours.

First

I'm just posting to start off my long line of posts to come. I just want to have it known that this blog will contain poems thoughts and feelings so if you don't like it please don't complain. I will take opinions but I don't need any type of hatred towards my name. That is all.